{"id":33443,"date":"2023-04-18T16:31:02","date_gmt":"2023-04-18T20:31:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/edyka.org\/les-questions-qui-changent-tout\/"},"modified":"2023-11-13T17:40:00","modified_gmt":"2023-11-13T22:40:00","slug":"questions-that-make-a-difference","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/edyka.org\/en\/questions-that-make-a-difference\/","title":{"rendered":"Questions that make a difference"},"content":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”36786″ img_size=”medium”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_custom_heading text=”QUESTIONS THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE” font_container=”tag:h2|text_align:left|color:%23011eaa” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_single_image image=”17942″ img_size=”full”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column]

<\/div>[\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684183588678{margin-top: 7% !important;margin-left: 2% !important;padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 5% !important;}”]<\/p>\n

Imagine if, all day long, you hear<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

‘Get dressed’<\/p>\n

‘Tidy your room’<\/p>\n

‘Give me your report’<\/p>\n

‘Cook dinner’<\/p>\n

‘Do the laundry’<\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_single_image image=”33349″ img_size=”Full” alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1681748520457{margin-top: 1% !important;margin-right: 10% !important;margin-bottom: 1% !important;padding-top: 3% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 3% !important;}”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column el_align=”center” width=”1\/2″][vc_single_image image=”33353″ img_size=”Full” alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1681749348853{margin-top: 2% !important;margin-bottom: 1% !important;margin-left: 3% !important;padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 5% !important;}”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684184149474{margin-top: 10% !important;margin-right: 5% !important;margin-bottom: 2% !important;margin-left: 2% !important;padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 3% !important;padding-left: 3% !important;}”]<\/p>\n

How would you feel?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Mugged?<\/p>\n

Overwhelmed?<\/p>\n

Tired?<\/p>\n

Distant?<\/p>\n

Not even listening anymore?<\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row equal_height=”yes” css=”.vc_custom_1681756091414{margin-right: 0.5% !important;margin-left: 0.5% !important;background-color: #efefef !important;}”][vc_column width=”1\/6″][vc_single_image image=”33416″ img_size=”Thumbnail” alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1681851175966{margin-top: 10% !important;margin-left: 10% !important;padding-top: 6% !important;padding-right: 11% !important;padding-bottom: 6% !important;padding-left: 11% !important;}”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”5\/6″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684180694521{padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 0px !important;}”]Notice what happens in \u00a0your body<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0when you are given a command:<\/p>\n

your\u00a0body<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0may stiffen and\u00a0your brain<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0may resist the message sent[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684183612327{margin-top: 7% !important;margin-bottom: 5% !important;margin-left: 7% !important;padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 5% !important;}”]<\/p>\n

This is what happens to our children.<\/p>\n

Hearing ordres all day long, it is very likely that your child feels exactly the same way … They don’t listen anymore.<\/p>\n

It is\u00a0physiological<\/span><\/strong>, at some point\u00a0the brain stops responding!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/3″][vc_single_image image=”33357″ img_size=”Full” css=”.vc_custom_1681749517865{margin-top: 3% !important;margin-right: 5% !important;margin-bottom: 3% !important;padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 5% !important;}”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1677192194540{margin-right: 0.5% !important;margin-left: 0.5% !important;}”][vc_column css=”.vc_custom_1677192178825{margin-right: 0px !important;margin-left: 0px !important;background-color: #011eaa !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684184101455{padding-top: 6% !important;padding-right: 2% !important;padding-bottom: 3% !important;padding-left: 2% !important;background-color: #011eaa !important;}”]<\/p>\n

Are you tired of repeating 100 times\u00a0<\/span>the same thing?<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

How about asking questions?<\/span><\/h4>\n

[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column]

<\/div>[\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row equal_height=”yes” css=”.vc_custom_1681756038850{margin-right: 0.5% !important;margin-left: 0.5% !important;background-color: #efefef !important;}”][vc_column width=”1\/6″][vc_single_image image=”33416″ img_size=”Thumbnail” alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1684177142045{margin-top: 10% !important;margin-left: 10% !important;padding-top: 25% !important;padding-right: 11% !important;padding-bottom: 8% !important;padding-left: 11% !important;}”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”5\/6″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684183736227{padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 0px !important;}”]Notice, again this time, what happens in\u00a0your body<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0when a question is asked in a respectful manner, such as<\/p>\n

‘When can you return the report?’ \u00a0 \u00a0 or \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0‘Did you start the laundry machine?’<\/p>\n

Your body<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0relaxes and\u00a0your brain<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0searches for an answer to the message being sent. During this search process, you feel respected, capable and more likely to cooperate.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column]

<\/div>[\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row equal_height=”yes”][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684181424089{margin-top: 7% !important;margin-bottom: 5% !important;margin-left: 6% !important;padding-top: 5% !important;padding-right: 5% !important;padding-bottom: 5% !important;padding-left: 5% !important;}”]This is exactly what happens with children. From the moment the child seeks and finds an answer, he will want to do things.<\/p>\n

First of all, because his brain will simply be looking for an answer.<\/p>\n

Then, because he will feel\u00a0respected<\/span><\/strong> and\u00a0involved<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0(not dominated)[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/3″][vc_single_image image=”32761″ img_size=”Full” alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1681755837317{margin-top: 5% !important;margin-right: 5% !important;margin-bottom: 2% !important;padding-top: 2% !important;padding-right: 2% !important;padding-bottom: 2% !important;padding-left: 2% !important;}”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column]

<\/div>[\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1681756017418{margin-right: 0.5% !important;margin-left: 0.5% !important;}”][vc_column css=”.vc_custom_1677192178825{margin-right: 0px !important;margin-left: 0px !important;background-color: #011eaa !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684184233790{padding-top: 6% !important;padding-right: 2% !important;padding-bottom: 3% !important;padding-left: 2% !important;background-color: #011eaa !important;}”]<\/p>\n

According to Adler (the Austrian psychiatrist behind Positive Discipline), human beings are social beings.
\nAs such, people and especially children have a deep need to belong and contribute to the group in which they live. <\/span><\/p>\n

Two essential needs of children are<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

to feel belonging and to feel useful<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

Most of their behaviors will therefore be influenced by these two needs.<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column css=”.vc_custom_1676333382507{margin-top: 3% !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684183857639{margin-top: 5% !important;margin-right: 5% !important;margin-bottom: 5% !important;margin-left: 5% !important;padding-top: 1% !important;padding-right: 2% !important;padding-bottom: 1% !important;padding-left: 3% !important;}”]<\/p>\n

So, every time you feel like giving an order (even if it seems easier and faster), take a few seconds to ask a question.\u00a0It will not be natural at first but, with some practice, you will see, you will get used to it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Instead of saying<\/span><\/strong><\/td>\nSay<\/span><\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Don’t forget your coat!<\/td>\nWhat do you need to go outside in this cold?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Get your feet off the couch!<\/td>\nWhat did we ask for the sofa?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Put your plate away!<\/td>\nWhat did we decide about the plates after the meals?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Do your homework!<\/td>\nHow are you going to do your homework today?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

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<\/div>[\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][vc_single_image image=”33404″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1684177192199{margin-top: 7% !important;margin-right: 3% !important;margin-left: 3% !important;border-bottom-width: 3% !important;padding-top: 7% !important;}”][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”3\/4″ css=”.vc_custom_1681759313957{background-color: #efefef !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1684182720903{margin-top: 2% !important;margin-right: 5% !important;padding-top: 3% !important;padding-right: 3% !important;padding-bottom: 3% !important;padding-left: 3% !important;}”]<\/p>\n

Finally, keep in mind that
\nthe questions depends the age
\n<\/span><\/strong>and especially that the tone\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>is often more important than\u00a0the words.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

If the question is asked in a tone of voice that does not expect an answer, you are not really showing respect.<\/p>\n

It’s being genuinely curious that triggers a change in posture<\/p>\n

from the vertical of the injunction to co-construction!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

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Other ways to avoid orders and involve children<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n